Good Times..

As a young boy raised in Kerala, my impression of the typical Mallu Man was - The guy who called the shots in the family .. It was the same case in my house too, though my father used to try his best to get my mother involved in the executive decision making process. My Mom was more content taking care of us and doing other household stuff. I used to wonder how it would be in other households, where the Man assumes authority, making all the choices for everyone in the family. The woman not having a choice about her own education, career etc etc. I used to feel sympathetic towards women, and was determined that when I grew up, I will not be like that towards my famly. Everyone would have their own opinion and choice, which will be weighed equally before any decisions are taken. It took me years to understand that the Indian social fabric is a bit different than I thought.




The time a someone becomes a, Forced Bachelor is usually considered to be hard on the guy. No one to put his life in order, no one to love him, no one to cook for him etc etc. But ironically for most normal married guys out there, the term "Forced Bachelor" is an oxymoron. The probability is higher that the guy was expectantly counting the days to his wife's visit to her parents house , or a trip to her brothers house . Now before you call me a cold hearted jerk, please hear me out. After a couple of years of marriage, a typical day could possible be -

Husband - comes back from office after a day filled with tiresome mindless meeting's and possibly a fight with his boss.

Wife - Opens door

Husband - "Hi"
Wife - "Helooo . How was the day .. you look tired. anything wrong in office"
Husband - " No its nothing much .. just some extra work"
Wife - " Come on.. its more than that. I am sure. Why dont you share your office problems with me. You never do. Mr G next door tell's his wife everything first thing he comes from office"
Husband - " Ok Ok .. I will explain. There is this new guy whom we recruited to streamline operations and there was a meeting with ...... "
Wife - Interupting " One sec, did you pick up the pudin hara I asked you to buy on the way back from office. "
Husband - "Oh no . I forgot "
Wife - " I desparately needed it . I dont know how I will go to sleep tonight. I think I am having gas trouble "
Husband- " Dont worry. I will go and get it now "
Wife - " No its ok. I will manage somehow . you were telling about your office"
Husband " Ok.. there is this new guy whom we recruited for .. "
Wife - " Sorry just one more thing. There is a mega sale at Big Bazaar this saturday. All items are so cheap. Will you promise to take me"
Husband " But what do we need now. We practically have everything here for even our grandchildren. from the past years series 'Mega Sales' at Big Bazaar, Viveks, and Shoppers Stop"
Wife - " You dont know what all are required to run a household. If my mother were here she could explain to you"
Husband - " No, I dont think that is necessary. I trust you. We will go. Now can I get back to my day in office"
Wife - " Sure . I am waiting to hear it. Promise you I wont interrupt now"
Husband - " Ok. There is this guy in office whom we ..."
Wife - " Just one last thing.. Soo sorry. I have to tell you thing right away. Do you know that Mrs D who lives in Apt # 503 is pregnant . With their fourth kid. "
Husband - " Oh I didnt know"
Wife - " Yes indeed. They just got to know today"
Husband - " Ah. That explains, why i didnt know about it !!"
Wife - " So please. Continue "
Husband " Well.. hmm .. it isnt much . I had an all day meeting. Thats why I am tired " ( Abandoning all hope of explaining the actual day )
Wife - " Ohh ..okk .. Thank you for sharing your day.. Lets go for a walk in the park. What do you say "
Husband - " Hmm. I am a little tired today. "
Wife - " You never come with me. You dont love me like you used to. You dont even buy things coming back from office , even if I remind you "
Husband " But I said I will go out and buy it now. you only told me that you didnt want it. It was a hard day and I forgot. "
Wife " I am not talking about today. Never mind. Its my fate"
Husband - " What !! .. now what does fate have to do with Pudin hara .."
Wife - " You wont understand " Sob..!!
Husband " Edaa.. dont cry. I am so sorry . I will make it up to you "

If you study the above conversation, you can see that the husband, though trying at every step to do what the wife want's, ends up being blamed for everything. It was after witnessing and and experiencing conversations similar to the above one, I started realising that in the Indian society, they guy may not be the one calling the shot's. He is just made to think he is. After having evening's similar this continously for months, it is only natural for a person to wish to be "Forced" to be a bachelor for a few days. It's not that He does not want a family at all. It is just to give a chance for the Peter Pan boy in each man, to surface, which at other times is brutally suppressed, in the name of being the "One who call's the shot's".

Now for the real story ... I was recently in the Forced Bachelor state, on account of my wife giving her MBA Exams in India, and me having to move to Fremont California for work. I stayed in the apartment, where we had stayed before and everyone knew my wife too. As I started meeting old friend's and families in the apartment, the first question from the ladies was " Where is Anu ?? ". When I replied that she would come after 2 months, maybe 3, the look on the face changed to " What..She left him out of the cage for 3 months. This is sacrilege. Against the Indian Womens code of handling husbands". The guys were of course happy. Since legally I was not a bachelor, they could come to my place in full safety on Friday nights and have a couple of rounds of Jack Daniels and blame the whole thing on me while going back. We had a pretty good time, and word got around that I was fuly enjoying my "Forced" Bachelor Days, and was also getting other husbands to hang out with me and the bachelor boy's. Soon the only question I was being asked was " When is your wife coming ". The guys were asking me because they wanted to know how many days they had left to chill, and the ladies were asking because they wanted to know when my parole is ending.

We had some good times though. It started off with Mr Tank, my friend from college , coming to my apartment from SFO for the weekend. after a couple of rounds of Jack daniel's, we stepped out for a smoke and were talkin about kerala politics ( like any other mallu's who get together )with great interest. We realised that we had locked the patio door with the key inside, and there was no way to get inside. It was 1 o clock in the night and we were freezing. we tried several attempts to open to door, including using a cigarette lighter to burn a hole in the think plastic of the patio door !!. In the end we decided to go to the only other bachelor, we hoped would be awake - Prad. We jumped the wall and wearing only banian's and short's, ran through the apartment complex to reach Prads apartment. Luckily Prad had just gone to sleep, and he woke up with our ringing. We had a a couple of rounds more of Jack and went to sleep. Got the key in the morning from Donna. We were joined by Tank's friends from accenture, and I too went a couple of days to SFO downtown and stayed with them. These new bachelor days were not as great as the ones I had before marriage, but I did have a lot of fun being an irresponsible brat once again. After a couple of months though, I really started missing the orderlyness of Married life, and wished my wife to be with me again. Look's like my wife has successfully converted me after all.

P.S This post is just for laughs and is not intended to be bad to women in any way.